The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.Thomas MertonThank you for letting me be me. After the words came out of my mouth, there was this moment of realization of how important they were in an overarching fantastic sense of worth and value. How gorgeous it was to be me and to let him be him.
It was a rush of pleasure that I felt when I realized that I was simply being me and there was no judgment in his eyes or that I didn’t have to bite my tongue simply because what I had to say didn’t fit into his world view Best Women’s Tool Belt. Curled up together being with each others being, I realized that I was finally being met in the acceptance game and it was freaking awesome!
I’ve heard many a male say, “She treated me as a work in progress; as something to fix” or “She looked at me as if I were a remodeling project.” And yet I’ve heard many a woman say, “He told me I was fat” (when she was a size 6) or “He said I was too neurotic.” Different words, but effectively amounting to the same thing: wanting to fix or repair the other person.
What is it about dating or sexual relationships that brings out the worst sort of behavior in relation to another? Why is it okay for someone you’re dating, or for a partner, to mold you according to their specifications? It takes a lot of balls to tell someone they need refurbishing and then expect them to make love with abandon.
First, people are who they are and who they choose to be. Sure, we may be able to urge someone to start thinking about things in new ways, but the choice to expand and accept new ways and change behavior is a completely internal process. A person changes only because they choose to change, not because their lover is standing there in a tool belt with hammer and nails.